on life: "oh, okay"

on divisions of mormonism: "you can have four wives! all of them!" [points to four young girls across the street]

at dinner: "i wanna get some dragon skin armor"

on britney spears: "if anyone was going to make a picture of britney spears' vagina they wouldn't make it look gross, they would use a stock vagina photo"

on looking sexy: "i need clip on nipple rings though!" [pouts]

"it's called sexual preference, not sexual obligation!"

"i want to have a remote control vasectomy so i can push a button and it will clamp down, or, when i want to have kids it will go back with a little electric motor."